Feeling Good

I've never been a really active person.  I mean, yeah, I remember running all over the place when I was a kid.  Climbing mountains, climbing trees, climbing through train cars...but that's a whole 'nother story, and please don't tell my mom.  Even as a fairly active kid, though, I put on weight.  And as I got bigger, I began to get more and more sedentary.  At 419 lbs, it was hard to move.  Hard to breathe.  Hard to do the things I needed to do just to take care of myself and my family day to day.  I'm trying to change all that.  Granted, it's taking a while, and each day I find something else that I can tweak to help me on my journey to a healthier me.

Last week I went to visit a local gym.  It's for ladies only...which is good, because I mean, who wants to work out in front of a bunch of guys?  Especially when you weigh as much as I do?  Anyway, the gym is really nice.  I has treadmills, ellipticals, circuit training machines, recumbent bikes...the whole works.  The lady who oversees the gym on weekday mornings was really gracious to us and gave us a two week free guest pass to try it out and see if we liked it.  Much to my astonishment, I  LOVE working out there.  I start out on the treadmill.  This morning, for example, I walked 1/2 mile.  Then I moved to the circuit training and made the rounds.  My favorite things are the ab machine, the back machine, and the leg extension machine.  I can really feel them working.  After I finished my circuit, I went back to the treadmill and walked another mile.  This might seem kinda small to most of you.  But for me, it is shocking because just a couple of months ago, I wouldn't have made it 1/4 mile on the treadmill and the machines would have killed me.  Now, I'm working out at the gym and doing Zumba with my church sisters, and except for the occasional aches and pains--I feel good.

I am so thankful to God for giving me the strength that I need to face what needs to be done each day.  I can see changes going on inside of me...and outside.  And I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that it is my Father who is bringing them about.  I can't do it on my own.  I've tried and failed a million times.  And to be honest, there are days when I mess up.  When I eat the wrong thing or sometimes too much of the right things.  There are times when I don't want to work out but I press on anyway.  And there are times that I get so unbelievably frustrated because the scale doesn't move like I think it should.  But God is teaching me that this is not a race.  There's no time limit.  There's no hurry.  More than that, He is showing me how important it is to keep my focus on Him even in the midst of these changes.  It's so easy to lose focus.  To let the weight that I need to lose become bigger and more important than anything else--even my relationship with God.  Our pastor talked about it yesterday--about leaving our first love.  For a long time, I did that.  But now I realize that if and when I keep my focus on Him, He will bring about the changes I need in my life.  He will give me the strength I need to make positive food choices.  He will give me the energy I need to hit the gym--and sometimes the desire to do it when energy's not the real problem.  As for me, I need to devote myself--truly devote myself--to prayer and to reading God's Word and to living in a way that will bring Him honor and glory and not myself.  That's my hope.  My goal.